Is there anything more beautiful then rocking your new baby to sleep and enjoying some wonderful snuggles as they doze off to sleep? Rocking your baby to sleep can feel great those first few weeks or months together. But your baby is going to get bigger and heavier. Your baby may have once slept great when you rocked them to sleep, but now is waking up shortly after you put them down into the crib. You might even be at the point where your toddler still needs to be rocked to sleep.
At some point, you’re going to be ready to break the habit of your child being rocked to sleep.
But a lot of parents get very nervous when they think about how they’re going to be able to stop rocking their little one to sleep.
Take a deep breath.
It is possible to get your child to sleep without needing to be rocked to sleep?
Let’s walk through how you can wean your baby from needing to be rocked in order to fall asleep.
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Why Do Babies Need to be Rocked to Sleep?
Before we address how to wean the rocking to sleep habit, lets talk about why babies need to be rocked to sleep.
You probably began rocking your baby to sleep when they were a newborn.
Newborns do really well with a rocking to sleep motion. It brings them back to that womb-like experience. When your baby was in the womb, they were gently moving around. Any time you moved, they baby would experience that gentle rocking motion.
So when your baby entered the world, it was reassuring to them to experience that rocking motion. It is helpful to be able to calm and upset baby. If your baby was crying around bedtime or naptime, you likely found that rocking them helped to soothe and relax them. And that helped get them ready to sleep.
Baby Will Only be Rocked to Sleep
This may have become a habit over the last few months or even years. If you’ve got to the point where your baby will only be rocked to sleep and can’t fall asleep without being rocked, it can become exhausting.
It may take you a long time to rock them to sleep. Or you might even find that your baby is waking up several times throughout the night and can only fall back to sleep by being rocked back to sleep.
The reason why your baby is having a hard time falling asleep without being rocked to sleep, is because they’ve come to associate needing this rocking motion from you in order to go to sleep. In other words, they’ve developed what I call in the sleep coaching world, a “sleep association” between rocking and sleeping.
What happens when a baby develops a rocking to sleep association, is that they need you to help them fall asleep. They haven’t developed the skills to self soothe. The only way that they can possibly start their journey into sleep, is by being rocked to sleep.
Rocking Baby to Sleep for Naps & Bedtime
It is very common that you will find your baby waking up throughout the night. Or your baby is taking very short naps. You may also find that when they wake up at night or after a 30-minute nap, they need you to come and rock them back to sleep.
The reason why you’re seeing those night wakings and short naps is because your child isn’t in the same place they were when they fell asleep.
Think of it from their perspective. They fell asleep in your arms, feeling safe and warm. They felt that gentle swaying motion of being rocked as they shut their eyes and drifted off into baby dream land. Then you very carefully laid them down into their crib or bed, and quietly walked away.
After they completed the deep, restorative part of their sleep cycle, they briefly wake up and take in their surroundings.
And that’s when they get upset. They are tired. But they’re not in your arms anymore being rocked. They’re in a completely different place then they were when they fell asleep. And they’re not experiencing that gentle rocking motion anymore.
So what do they do? They begin crying out for you to come and help them get back to sleep because they haven’t developed the skill to fall back to sleep on their own, without being rocked to sleep.
Still Have to Rock Toddler to Sleep
Additionally, toddlers may become accustomed to the rocking motion, requiring a lot more time to fall asleep or needing the same level of motion to stay asleep.
Babies are not the only ones who need to be rocked to sleep. I have worked with a lot of parents with toddlers who still need to be rocked to sleep as well.
And it does get harder the older your child gets. A 2 year old is a lot heavier and wigglier then a 2 month old.
Rocking a toddler to sleep can be challenging due to their boundless energy, often making them resistant to settling down.
Additionally, toddlers may become accustomed to the rocking motion, requiring a lot more time to fall asleep or needing the same level of motion to stay asleep.
But the good news is that you can wean both babies and toddlers off of needing to be rocked to sleep!
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When to Stop Rocking an Infant to Sleep
There isn’t an exact age limit that you need to stop rocking your child to sleep anymore. The right time to breaking the rocking to sleep habit is when it’s not working for your family anymore. Ask yourself…
» THESE QUESTIONS «
» Do you dread bedtime every night because you don’t know how long it’s going to take your child to fall asleep?
» Is rocking your child to sleep getting uncomfortable? Are you feeling physical pain in your back or arms as a result of your baby needing to be rocked to sleep?
» Is your baby not getting enough sleep because they’re waking up throughout the night and can only fall asleep when you rock them back to sleep?
» Is your baby taking short naps (anything less than an hour and a half)?
» Have you been thinking I can’t rock baby to sleep anymore?
» Have you found yourself passed out with your baby in your arms? Don’t be ashamed, this has happened to so many of us. But this is a dangerous sleeping environment for your baby.
» Are you exhausted by needing to rock your toddler to sleep?
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Nodding Along?
If you answered yes to any one of these 7 questions, then rocking your child to sleep just isn’t working for you or your child anymore. And it’s time to teach your child to self soothe, so that they don’t rely on being rocked to sleep anymore.
Babies are old enough to self soothe once they are around 15 weeks (adjusted). So if you have a baby who is over 15 weeks old, and you’re ready to break the rocking to sleep habit, NOW is the perfect time.
I don’t want you to stress about not getting that special bonding time with your child in the bedtime routine anymore. You can still have some great cuddle time before they go to sleep in the bedtime routine! Let’s talk about how you can do that while weaning them from being rocked to sleep.
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Step 1: How to Wean Rocking Infant to Sleep
The first step to wean your baby or toddler from being rocked to sleep is by creating a bedtime routine that still includes lots of snuggles.
Your child’s bedtime routine can start off with a bath. Then you can get them dressed into their pajamas. If you’ve got a baby then also dress them into their arms free sleep sack.
If your baby is under a year old, then this is the perfect time to give them their last feed of the day. This is a great time to snuggle and bond with your baby. If you have a baby or toddler over a year old, then you’ll skip this step.
Next, pull out a book or two and read to your child. It’s never too early to get your child interested in books. And this is another great opportunity for closeness, snuggles and touch in the bedtime routine. But limit the number of books to just two. You don’t want the bedtime routine to drag on too long that your child gets drowsy or overtired.
If you’re looking for good books to read in the bedtime routine, check out my two favorites for children of any age:
But mix up the books you read. Give them some variety to begin expanding their horizons.
Then you can say good night to your child and lay them down into their crib or bed (if you have a toddler).
You’ll notice that while there’s opportunities for snuggles in the bedtime routine, there’s no step for rocking them anymore. Instead, you’ll go from reading books and saying good night, to putting them down into their crib awake now.
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Step 2: How to Stop Baby From Wanting to Be Rocked to Sleep
Yikes! Did what I just say make your heart skip a beat? Did I really just say that you’ll put your baby or toddler down into their crib wide awake? Yes, that’s exactly what I said.
Your child needs to learn how to fall asleep without your assistance of being rocked to sleep. And your job as their parent is to help them feel loved and supported on their journey of learning the skills needed to fall asleep on their own.
Stop for a moment and think about what you’re going to do a few years from now when you teach your child to learn how to ride a bike. Learning how to ride a bike is a skill that they need help practicing before they’re able to completely do it on their own.
They’re going to need you running along next to them, cheering them on, and helping them up when they fall. There may be a few bumps and bruises and even tears along the way. But they will absolutely get it with your help and a little time.
And it’s the exact same thing with sleep. It’s very likely that your baby will cry or that your toddler will protest. They’re protesting this change. It’s the only way that they can communicate that they’re not happy about this change.
But you don’t need to leave your child alone to cry it out and figure out how to fall asleep without being rocked all on their own.
Baby Sleep Without Rocking
In fact, in my gentle sleep training course Live Love Sleep Academy, I almost always recommend that parents stay in the room with their child when they’re teaching their child how to fall asleep without being rocked. Think about it. Your baby has been so dependent on you in order to fall asleep. Completely removing you from their sleep situation would be very tough on them. And it would probably be even harder on you.
You can stay with them, sitting by their crib or bed. Be comforting by letting them hear your voice. Be supportive by letting them feel your touch so that they know that you’re still there and that everything is ok. If you have a younger baby who responds really well to being picked up, then by all means pick them up if they’re crying.
And do you want to know the best part? Your baby is going to learn how to fall asleep without being rocked very quickly! The families I work with usually see HUGE improvements within 3 – 4 nights!
When you follow the steps I’ve outlined above, you will find that within a few nights, your baby will be falling asleep quickly and easily at bedtime and at nap time. But I understand that embarking on a big journey like sleep training can feel overwhelming.
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Breaking the Habit Rocking Your Child to Sleep
If you need help creating the perfect sleep plan for your child, I’m here to help solve your child’s sleep struggles and support you. My gentle sleep training program helps families to establish healthy sleep skills for life.
Just imagine doing a 20 – 30 minute bedtime routine with your child each night. You give them a kiss, lay them down into their crib or bed and are able walk away, knowing that they will happily close their eyes and fall asleep all on their own without anymore rocking or crying. And they’ll sleep all night that way!
You’re just a few nights away from amazing sleep!
If you’re thinking that it may be time to make this positive change for your family, I’d love to hop on a free Discovery Call with you. My goal is to learn more about your child’s specific sleep struggles and see if my program is the right fit for your little one and your family. Let’s make sleep a thing in your home!
« About the Author »
I’m Kaley Medina, the proud founder of Live Love Sleep®. I am married to my high school sweetheart, Zeke. We have two wonderful children, Evalyn and Leo, and our furry companion, Louie.
My journey into the world of sleep consultancy began with the sleep struggles of my own daughter, Evalyn. From her early days, she proved to be a challenging sleeper, staying awake for waaaaaay too long and causing many sleepless nights. Initially, I tried everything I could think of, from feeding her to sleep to bouncing on a yoga ball until my legs ached. Next, I attempted the delicate process of transitioning her to her crib without waking her. Eventually, I even resorted to late-night vacuuming while wearing her in a baby carrier. Needless to say, none of it worked.
From Sleepless to Success
The constant sleep deprivation left me frazzled and unable to enjoy precious moments with my family. Desperate for a solution, I ventured into the world of sleep training when Evalyn turned six months.
To my surprise, gentler methods yielded incredible results, transforming our lives. Consequently, fueled by this success, I became a Certified Sleep Consultant and founded Live Love Sleep®.
As your Pediatric Sleep Consultant, I understand that a child’s sleep is influenced by various factors. Beyond just sleep training, these include diet, environment, routines, and developmental milestones. Therefore, my personalized sleep plans consider the “bigger picture” to solve your child’s challenges comprehensively. What truly sets my services apart is the ongoing support I provide, ensuring your family reaches its goals within weeks.
One former client described the experience as “utterly LIFE CHANGING.” Ultimately, I’m committed to helping parents like you get the rest you deserve. By working together, we can achieve better sleep and a happier, healthier family life.
Features
Kaley has been featured on numerous podcasts, on NBC, CBS, Yahoo!, Texas Today, MindBodyGreen, WonderBaby.org, Homes and Gardens, TinyBeans, and more!
4 month old baby and he has to be rocked to sleep each sleep but resists and arched his back until he is to tired and falls asleep or is in a twilight phase and I’ll put him down then but usually still wakes every 1-3 hours through the night
Hi Shaye, it sounds like your little one may be getting overtired, which could be leading to him waking so frequently at night. I’d recommend around a 1.5 – 2 hour awake window at 4 months old.
My four month old will only sleep if she’s rocked to sleep. I’ll start rocking her at 7pm, she will fall asleep, soon as I put her down she wakes up crying, so I pick her up and repeat the process. This goes on until 11pm! Then she sleeps for 6-7 hours. My back is in agony by the end of the night. Help
Hi Rosie, ouch that does sound really painful needing to rock her for 4 hours! That’s definitely something I can help you with. Just shoot me an email at kaley@livelovesleep.com
I have the same problem with my 16 week old baby who needs to be rocked to sleep for every nap and bedtime and many night time awakenings also.
Hi Anna, that’s so tough to need to rock your little one to sleep so frequently. Your baby is at the age where they’re not old enough to learn the skills needed to self soothe so that they can fall asleep happily on their now. If you need any help with gentle sleep training, feel free to email me at kaley@livelovesleep.com
My 5 month old naps is my issue, he sleeps long at night in his bed but during the day he must be backed to sleep, same for night but during the day he wont sleep long when dropped but would sleep long on the back, so we end up backing him the whole duration of his nap but at night when dropped from back, he sleeps and wakes 2 to 3 times to feed and sleep off.
Hi Temi, that sounds pretty exhausting needing to rock your sweet little guy for his naps. The way to get him sleeping longer for those naps is to help him develop self soothing skills so that he can put himself to sleep and connect sleep cycles. And you can do that in a gentle way through sleep training. Feel free to email me if you need any help. kaley@livelovesleep.com
I delivered my baby by C-Section operation and now my baby is 3 months old. Every-time she is sleepy she rubs her eyes yawns but starts crying because she is used to the rocking to fall asleep.
And now it’s been around 15 days I started following a bed time routine for her. The routine is as follows:
I bring her in my room at night 9 PM and then rock her to fall asleep but she starts crying and demand for the feeding
Then I feed her lying down with her on bed and she fells asleep after 1 hour of feeding
Then she wakes up every 3-4 hours and I feed her lying on the bed only and she falls back to sleep
I feed her 3 times at night and then she wakes up at 9 AM in the morning
Then during the day time she sleeps for 30-90 minutes 2-3 times during the day time
But everytime First I have to rock her with my hurting spine and then I have to feed her for an hour and then she sleeps only for 30 minutes or an hour.
Please help me in making her sleep independently without nursing or rocking.
Oh Sanjana I’m so sorry to hear how rocking her is hurting your back so much! That sounds exhausting needing to help and feed her so frequently. You can absolutely break her of this habit and get her falling asleep happily in her crib without needing to be rocked to sleep anymore. If you need help teaching her how to do that, I’m here to help. You can email me at kaley@livelovesleep.com
My 4 month old baby is the exact same will only sleep if being rocked then once you put her in the crib she wakes straight away and screams until I give in and take her up to rock her and more recently she’s waking as soon as we stop rocking her so she’s not even getting to the crib and she’s awake and screaming
I would love to put my 4.5 month old down to sleeep without rocking but I’m afraid he will just cry for hours and nobody will get any sleep? If he cries and I pick him up, do I just smooth him until he stops and put him back down again and repeat that cycle? Help!
Hi Kate, you can absolutely get your little guy to sleep without needing to rock him to sleep anymore. The “pick up put down” method you’re describing works really well for newborns but typically doesn’t work as well with babies over 4 months old. You’d likely have more success with a gentle sleep training method aimed more for babies over 4 months old. There’s several different methods that you can choose from. Every baby is different on which on they’ll respond best to. Feel free to send me an email if you need any help figuring out the best method for him.
I’m the exact same with my 6 month old
Since food weaning it’s hard to settle her for bed with a bottle she fusses so much and doesn’t end up finishing it so won’t sleep cause she’s still hungry so I end up rocking her for hours and then she constantly wakes up soon as she knows she’s in her bed😫 then it’s start all over again bottle rocking and 🤞🏻
That sounds really exhausting Tia, I’m sorry to hear that you’re struggling so much. You can absolutely break that cycle and get those good full feeds in during the day and have her sleeping well at night. It’ll likely be tough for the first 2 – 3 nights but she’ll adjust quickly with consistency. Send me an email at kaley@livelovesleep.com if you need any help.
My baby 4 months falls to sleep while I hold him in my arms and walk and rock at the same time. He cries when I dont do this and I end up thinking he is feeling any stomach pain or wharever and get up and walk with him until falls asleep. My back hurts really bad. Is his crying a protest of not walking to sleep or it might be sth else.
Thanks in advance for reading this comment as a new mom I really need some idvice 😬
That sounds really tough right now Pashije. I’m so sorry to hear that your back is hurting so much. If you need any additional help, feel free to send me an email at kaley@livelovesleep.com
My 2 years old would never sleep without rocking can’t feel my neck and arms anymore it’s becoming too exhausting also when I don’t rock her just lay down next to her she would turn all directions kick legs struggle for hours out my hand under her neck and always jump off her bed and climb our every night I am really tired physically and mentally
That does sound both physically and mentally draining. Sorry to hear that you’re going through that right now Marwa. With 2 year olds, I recommend setting some rules at bedtime now that she’s old enough to understand them and doing some sleep training with her to teach her how to self soothe without needing to be rocked to sleep. If you need help with that, you can email me at kaley@livelovesleep.com
My 13 week old has to be rocked or nursed/fed to get to sleep at night I give him a bath, put lotion on, pjs, and then rock with music. He stays down for 2 hours. Then he wakes up almost every hour to nurse or just to be rocked back to sleep. It’s very difficult to get him to stay asleep in the bassinet. As soon as his legs touch the bassinet he arches himself and starts squirming uncomfortably and grunting. If I don’t pick him up it escalates and he starts crying. At that point he’s more awake so it’s even harder to get him back to sleep.
I repeat this every hour just about at night. How do I get him to sleep longer in his bassinet?
Hi Katie, sorry to hear that you’re little guy is having such a tough time with sleep. The good news is that he’s just old enough to be able to teach him the skills needed to self soothe so that he doesn’t need to be rocked to sleep. And once he learns those self soothing skills, you’re going to begin seeing him connect more of his sleep cycles and sleep those longer stretches. Feel free to email me at kaley@livelovesleep.com if you need any help weaning him from being rocked to sleep.
Hi my baby is 4 month old and she needs constant rocking in swinging cradle to sleep during day and night. She wakes up on hearing minute sounds. When i try to put her on bed she wakes up crying everytime. I’m very tired, exhausted and doesn’t get any help as well. How do I change this and make my baby fall asleep on bed.
Hi Pav, the best way to get your baby to fall asleep in her own crib is to teach her how to be able to self soothe so that she doesn’t need that constant rocking and swinging in order to fall asleep. If you need any help determining the best way to do that for her, feel free to email me at kaley@livelovesleep.com
My 5 month old baby will sleep while drinking milk during afternoon (2hours sleep) and night(9 hours sleep) but for the naps in between he needs to be rocked to sleep. He takes 2 40-50 min naps between the above mentioned sleep time. How do I wean him off rocking for those 2 naps. As I can’t establish a routine for it.
Hi Jitisha, the best way to wean your baby off of rocking to sleep for those two naps is to gently teach him how to self soothe. I recommend a method where you stay in the room to provide comfort to him since he’s been so reliant on you to fall asleep up to this point. Feel free to email me at kaley@livelovesleep.com if you need any help!
Almost 6 month old just started waking almost every hour the last 3 days.. Will settle when picked up and comforted or rocked but aside from that whenever we try to out him down again he starts screaming…
I feel for you Natasha! It’s so hard waking up every hour all night! I’d take a look at how you’re getting him to sleep at bedtime. Consistency is key for him to develop a strategy to put himself back to sleep in the middle of the night. If you’re currently needing to do anything to help assist him to sleep at bedtime or naptime, that’s likely the underlaying cause.
We’ve been rocking our 14 month old to sleep since we can remember. For both naps and bedtime, how can we break this now. My back needs a break before it breaks 😅.
Ouch, it does sound like your back needs a break from all that rocking. 14 months is a long time of needing to do that. She’s at a great age to sleep training and you can absolutely still teach her the skills needed to fall asleep without needing to be rocked anymore. Feel free to email me at kaley@livelovesleep.com if you need any assistance with determining the best strategies to do that for her.
My boy is 18 months and still likes to be rocked. If I put him down he’ll roll over and start at his crib shouting for me for ages. I will take forever to put back down in the night because he can’t self soothe. But I can’t listen to him cry. He’s a good sleeper. 7-5. So I’m worried by doing this it’ll mess up his sleep schedule but I’m in so much pain every night by holding him to sleep
Hi Lia, don’t stress about mess up his sleep schedule. Sometimes it might get a little off while you’re actually going through sleep training, but after a week or two, things will get back on track with having that full night sleep. So keep that big picture in mind as you’re considering breaking the habit of rocking to sleep. Feel free to email me at kaley@livelovesleep.com if you need any help!
I have a 20 month old who needs rocking to sleep… All night long as well. I made some huge mistakes here. I’m trying to put her down awake but she can talk and wants to go “up up up”. How are you supposed to help them settle when they start crying for you like that without letting them CIO??
Hi Lindsey, I hear you—this stage can feel really intense! When toddlers are used to being rocked to sleep, it’s very common for them to resist putting themselves down. The key is choosing a gentle sleep training method that gradually teaches your child to settle without rocking, while still offering comfort and reassurance. This can help them learn to self-soothe without needing you to let them cry it out completely.
It’s a process, and consistency is what helps them feel safe while building independence. If you want more guidance tailored to your toddler’s specific needs, feel free to email me at kaley@livelovesleep.com. I’d be happy to help you navigate this transition.
Hi our little one is 7 weeks. We are trying to break the rock to sleep association. She does sometimes settle in her assinet by patting and shushing,not often, we are in need of some tips on breaking the rocking completely.
HI Emma, congratulations on the birth of your little girl! I’ve got some tips in my free newborn eBook. You can access that at: https://livelovesleep.com/consultants/kaley-medina/free-resource-guide/
My son will not get drowsy by himself it seems. He will sit in the crib and just get overtired unless I rock him. How can I encourage drowsiness
Hi Emma, the right strategy for how you get your little guy to sleep will depend on his age and personality. If he’s under 3 months of age, then getting him drowsy will work really well. But if he’s over 3 months of age, you’ll actually want to be putting him into the crib wide awake instead of drowsy. I’ve got tips on both in my free resources guide at: https://livelovesleep.com/consultants/kaley-medina/free-resource-guide/
But how do you break this need/association for a willful 2 year old without the screaming and tears? Both bed and naps take at least 20 min (5 to read, 5 to rock asleep, and 10 to get into a deep sleep) before he can be laid down but I’ve also a 4 month old to care for who – I learned from my first to insist – puts himself to sleep for both bed and naps.
HI Desteni, it is more of a challenge with two but can certainly be done. I recommend putting your 4 month old to bed first and then focusing on sleep training your 2 year old so that you’re able to dedicate the time and be consistent.
Hey. My little 3 month old can’t sleep without being rocked or boob either.
I’ve tried the lying down drowsy by awake or just awake.m, none of them work. She just cried so much and doesn’t stop until I pick her up. So I pick her up rock a little and place it back into the cot. Still doesn’t work and that goes on for hours.
Question is.. how long do you try picking up and putting down again ? How many times is enough to not stress the baby?
Hi Magda! Sorry to hear what you’re currently trying isn’t working. Every baby is different on which strategy is going to work best for them with sleep training and how long it takes for them to fall asleep. I’ll send you an email to learn a little more about her sleep.
Hiya,
I want to start using your sleep strategy with my 6 month old. Would you recommend the same routine I apply at bedtime for nap times too? I.e helping them wind down, reading a book etc? Would you recommend putting her down drowsy or wide awake?
At the moment I just shut the curtains and turn on the white noise on and then she’s usually rocked to sleep. But now I’m finding that it’s taking her longer to fall asleep and I’m just spending so much time rocking her.
Hi Alisha, that’s great that you’re ready to teach your daughter how to sleep well! Yes, you can usually use the same methods at naptime that you’re using at bedtime. The exact strategy that you’re going to use is going to be dependent on her age, personality, and how much help she’s currently requiring from you in order to get to sleep. Feel free to email me at kaley@livelovesleep.com if you need any help!
I am having the same exact problem! My 13 week old (almost 3 months) only sleeps good in his bouncer or when I’m holding him. I made about 3 attempts to lay him down in bassinet, and he only sleep for like 10 mins each time. Woke up crying hard. But now it’s 11pm and he’s knocked out
That’s so tough! He’s almost to the age where you’re able to sleep train him so that he’s able to connect into those longer sleep cycles. Once he’s 15 weeks adjusted, you’ll be good to go!
Our 13 month just refuses to lie down in his cot, even if we are there to gently soothe him with voice or patting. He just sits up and cries and/or tries to climb out of the cot: even if he’s been showing all the tired signs.
That’s tough at this age because as he’s learning to stand and walk, he’s going to practice that in the crib as well. Do some practice during the daytime where you’re helping him go from standing (maybe while he’s holding himself up on the couch or a chair) to sitting to then laying down. Practice that at least twice a day for the next couple weeks until he’s perfected it.
Our 4 month old currently has her last night feeding (breastfeeding), falls asleep during feeding and will sleep in crib for 9-10 hours straight every night, but during the day the only way to get her to nap is to rock constantly for 15-20 min until she’s asleep in our arms, and even then she’ll only sleep 30 min per nap. Only longer naps have happened during feedings. Every time we put her down drowsy or awake she’ll cry loudly until picked up and rocked
Hi Will, how wonderful that you’re getting such a long stretch at night, but those naps do sound challenging! Consistency is crucial for sleep once babies turn 4 months old. Creating a routine a consistency putting her down the same way for bedtime and nap time will help her develop a consistency strategy with how to put herself to sleep.
My son is 13 months and can only fall asleep laying on me. I then carry him to bed. Once he’s in bed he’s fine, if he wakes up he will always self soothe I just can’t initially get him to sleep by himself. I’ve tried staying with him, patting him, leaving him to cry. Nothing works. He just stands up and messes around for over an hour whereas it I take him out I can get it done in 5 minutes. I don’t know what else to try! I fear if I carry on, it will be this way forever.
Sorry to hear you’re having such challenges teaching your son to self soothe Antonia. It is absolutely possible to get him falling asleep in his crib, it doesn’t have to be this way forever. If you need help, feel free to email me at kaley@livelovesleep.com
Baby girl is 4 months and now only sleeps when rocked she will fight her sleep untill I hold her and rock or rock her in her cradle on wheels. She also wakes up every 2-3 hrs at night as I stretch the last sleep cycle for 2 hrs as she wakes up at 5pm and 6:30 is early for her bedtime but by time she gets to sleep she’s been up for over 3 hrs as it takes a while to get her to stay asleep.
Hi Nicole, thanks for your comment. It’s tough when it takes so long to get her to sleep at bedtime because she’s fighting sleep like that. It’s great that you’re following proper awake windows but the reason why it’s taking so long to get her to sleep is because of her dependence on needing to be rocked to sleep. Once you are able to get her falling asleep independently, she’ll be happily falling asleep within 5 – 15 minutes after you put her down!
We have established a good bedtime routine and try our best to keep him up during his last feeding. He then will wake up at 3am and is very tough to get back down. We always revert to rocking him because it’s the only thing that will work for us exhausted parents. Any tips on what to do with our 4 month old?
Hi Samantha, that’s great that you have a good bedtime routine and he’s staying nice and alert during that last feed of the day. I recommend sleep training at this age since he’s developed that dependence on needing to be rocked back to sleep in the middle of the night.
Hi Kaley,
Our 6 month old has developed a rock to sleep association. I have a very fast let down when breastfeeding, which means he swallows lots of air. I have to bounce him for ages to get the trapped bubbles out (he also has Hirschsprung disease so can’t always pass wind) he always falls asleep on me and it sabotages my efforts! Do I have to wake him up just to put him down again?
Hi Natalie, sorry to hear your little guys is struggling with that final feed. I recommend moving that feed to the first step of the bedtime routine so that he’s more alert and you’ll have more steps afterwards to keep him awake. Feel free to email me at kaley@livelovesleep.com if you need any help.
Hi Kaley,
I have a 4-mo. He doesn’t sleep without being rocked. Usually, he starts rubbing his eyes and gets ready to sleep by 7:30. I change his diaper, warm his milk but he wouldn’t drink. So I start rocking him but most of the time he fight the sleep for first 30 mins. Then he finally sleeps so I sit on a chair keep him in an upright position for another 20-25 mins and then lay him down but as soon as I put him down, he’d wake up with his eyes wide open. So have to repeat the process all over again. What do you suggest? We tried but He doesn’t have or follow a schedule. Please help!
Thanks,
Vipal
Hi Vipal, the way to break this process is to teach him how to self soothe so that he can be able to fall asleep on his own. Feel free to email me at kaley@livelovesleep.com if you need help with sleep training.
I have a 12 month old who has never been able to self sooth. She had horrible reflux and colick from 0-6 months so we just did what we had to to survive. Now she is older and still wakes up screaming and standing now in her crib and will not go back to sleep until we rock her. We have tried sitting next to her, laying on the ground next to her, rubbing her back, everything. We have a standard bed time routine too, we have for months. But she still wakes up screaming until held multiple times a night. How do you sleep train if all the “right things” aren’t working with your little one?
Hi Caitlin, sorry you’re still struggling with your daughter’s sleep after a year, especially after you’ve tried so much. Since you’ve tried so many things and haven’t had success, I strongly recommend getting some one on one support to get a sleep plan that will work for your daughter. Because she just hasn’t learned the skills for self soothing from what you’ve tried. I’d love to help you get her sleeping well. You can email me at kaley@livelovesleep.com
My almost 6 month old baby always needs to be rocked to sleep. Whether is the pram, car or my arms it’s the only way he’ll sleep (usually unless they’re a random rare occurrence). My back is killing me and I can’t do it anymore. If I put him down even half asleep he just cries until I pick him back up and rock him. I don’t know what to do.
Hi Maxine, I’m sorry to hear that your back is hurting so much with all the rocking. Consistency in teaching him how to self soothe is the crucial piece of teaching him how to fall asleep without needing to be rocked. I know how tough that is. If you need any help with it, feel free to email me at kaley@livelovelseep.com
My son is 16 weeks and we still swaddle him. He hasn’t rolled from back to front yet so we haven’t made the switch to a sleep sack. I have been rocking him to sleep for naps and feeding to sleep for bed time and he has 50min-1hr naps and sleeps through the night . I am trying to stop the rocking so that he is able to sleep without assistance and because my back is dying from getting him gently into the crib. But, I don’t want to mess up the routine we have. Should I switch it up? And can he self soothe while being swaddled?
Hi Melissa, yes you can still teach a baby to self soothe in a swaddle, but at his age you will want to begin that transition out of the swaddle and into a sleep sack. If he’s showing signs of rolling in any direction (even to the side at that age), it’s time for that transition.
Hi our 9 month old little girl is still waking frequently in the night 3-4 times each night. When she wakes up she stands up so we lay her back down, give her the dummy and her cuddly toy and she goes back to sleep. But we have to do this multiple times a night. During the day she has to be rocked to sleep for naps for about 1-3 minutes with the dummy in. She sleeps fine in the buggy or car but obviously it’s a similar motion. I try to put her down without rocking her but she just stands up and wants to play or stands up and cries. How can we get it so we don’t need to rock her for naps? Also in the nighttime if we aren’t rocking her back to sleep just laying her back down to sleep with the dummy and toy why is she still waking up so much.
Hi Amy, it sounds like your little girl has developed some sleep associations around needing to be rocked to sleep and needing the dummy in order to fall asleep. The way to get her falling asleep easily and sleeping through the night would be to teach her how to self soothe so that she doesn’t need anything external to fall asleep. If you need help figuring out how to do that, feel free to email me at kaley@livelovesleep.com
My 1.5 yr old has been religiously rocked to sleep, shouldn’t have done that but we did scenario. She gets really really upset if we leave her in the crib for naps and bed time. Are your steps still valid for an order kiddo?
Hi TJ, yes you can still use the same steps for a one and a half year old. In the bedtime routine, you just wouldn’t include the feed since she’s over a year old. But all the other steps would be the same.
8 month old baby who only falls asleep on our arms, either rocking or just being held. As soon as we go to put him down he starts crying non stop until being picked up and rocked again. We gotta put him down when his fully asleep or he won’t stay asleep. Same for naps, which his been taking less also.
Hi Jorge, that’s rough having that cycle of needing to rock or holding your little guy and having him wake up as soon as you lay him down. The way to break that cycle is to teach him how to self soothe and fall asleep independently. You can do that in a gentle way with sleep training. If you need help figuring out how to do that, feel free to email me at kaley@livelovesleep.com
My baby is 13 months old. She’d still want me to rock and squats for her at bedtime and nap time. She wakes up 4-6 times during the night and this means rocking and squating the whole night. Also i have to get up early to go bed. She’s ready to cry out loud for 2-3 hours without falling asleep. I’m helpless and over tired. Note she’s not over tired, healthy, eating well and ofcourse she still drinks milk during the night
That’s so tough waking up 4-6 times a night. I’m so sorry you’re going through this Sarah. But you absolutely can get her sleeping through the night and self soothing at bedtime without needing to leave her alone to cry it out. You can email me at kaley@livelovesleep.com if you need help doing so.
Going to try this with our 18mo who we still rock to sleep for her nap and at bedtime. Any recommendation on if you should try to stop rocking at bedtime first or nap time first, or should you just cut it out for both at once?
That’s a great question Lexi. You’ll want to start at bedtime on the first night and then move on to doing the same thing with naps the following day.
My 4 month old baby is the exact same will only sleep if being rocked then once you put her in the crib she wakes straight away and screams until I give in and take her up to rock her and more recently she’s waking as soon as we stop rocking her so she’s not even getting to the crib and she’s awake and screaming
Hi Amy, sorry to hear you’re having a hard time getting your daughter to sleep without needing to rock her. This will be a big change for her. You’ll be completely changing up the way that she’s used to going to sleep and it’s likely going to be met with some kind of protest. But you can teach her these new skills in a gentle way where you don’t have to learn her alone to cry it out and can be present and supportive using gentle sleep training methods. Feel free to email me at kaley@livelovesleep.com if you’re feeling stuck and need help.
My 10 month old needs rocking for every nap and bedtime, my back is killing me!! If I put him down he thinks it’s playtime again, he’s very go go go! I guess I need to just keep him calm until he’s sleepy enough to lay down and chill?
Hi Amber! Yes, you’ll want to follow his awake windows for his age and do a calm bedtime or naptime routine so that you can cue him when it’s time for sleep. I’m here to help if you need it. Just shoot me an email at kaley@livelovesleep.com
I have 12 week-old twin boys, we have been implementing a bedtime routine for the past 3 weeks, but it’s so hit and miss. You think all is well and babies are drowsy, put them to bed and they are wide awake again. They cluster feed so much before bed and I think this makes them overtired so I end up having to rock and walk with them for over an hour. Sometimes one of them falls asleep on their own, but it’s never the same one. There’s a lot of crying and protesting at bedtime and the whole routine takes about 3 hours sometimes. Same for naps. For naps my biggest issue is identifying when babies are tired. I think I have it and when i put them to bed they are smiley and playful… 🤪
Congratulations on the birth of your twin boys Alina! Sorry to hear that there’s a lot of crying and protesting at bedtime. 3 hours sounds so tough. If you haven’t already done so, take a look at my free guide and schedules so that you can make sure you’re following their proper awake windows and not having them get overtired. Here’s the link for those: https://livelovesleep.com/consultants/kaley-medina/free-resource-guide/
Hi Kaley.
I’m trying to get my daughter too start sef soothing .. my hubby is pushing it because he thinks I spoiled her to much & I have . With love. I breastfed as long as I could & we’ve co slept since she was born. Now I’m trying to figure out how to get her to self soothe & sleep on her pack n play for bed time & naps. She’s extremely smart for a 4 month old. She Is very aware. She is walking in her walker already. She is extremely smart & sensitive & I just am crushed every time I try to let her cry it out. I feel like I’m taking her security away. & It hurts me so bad. his is my 6th kiddo. & I didn’t do this with my others so I’m lost ..
I’ve read everything thru & thru online trying to figure out what to do.
Please help. 🙏
Hi Sydney, that sounds really tough right now. You don’t have to let her cry it out. You can still be present and supportive as she learns how to self soothe. I understand how to feeds to read everything online and still not know what to do. Please feel free to email me at kaley@livelovesleep.com if you feel like you need help figuring this out. This is exactly what I help parents with.
How long is too long? My husband has been pushing sleep training. We’ve read the article and tried it for 2 nights. My mother in law is our “daycare” provider and she’s tried. Our son just turned 8 months old, and while hes never been a good sleeper. We’ve also battled colic, and constant sickness since 6 weeks old. There are night we sleep mostly upright as its the only way he will sleep. We can try to burp, or assist with gas for hours, and nothing helps. Gas drops? Nope. And now he’s teething. His gums have to be swollen and painful.
The last 2 nights I spent 2 hours picking him up, soothing him, putting him back in, simply for him to start crying the second I pull him away from my body. Last night I ended up swaddling him and propping his legs up on a rolled up blanket because he didn’t want to put his legs down. My MIL is miserable trying to get him to calm down. Everytime she calms him, he gets more mad. She also has other children to care for, so she can’t devote 100% of her time to trying to get him to take a 20 minute nap for hours.
Hes almost always been a short napper. 20-40 minutes most times. Whether your holding him or not.. And he still wakes for night time feeds. I’ve cut those down to just 4 ounces, and sometimes I can get him back to sleep with out.
How long is too long?
Hi Lorraine, feel free to email me at kaley@livelovesleep.com if you need any help.
My son turned 4 years this January and still he is unable to sleep without rocking. Sometimes it takes us around and hour to make him sleep. Its getting very exhausting. Please guide
Hi Sadia, that sounds really tough still needing to rock him at 4. I know it gets harder the bigger they get! Feel free to shoot me an email at kaley@livelovesleep.com if you need more help.
Hi, I got to read this post today, and then I realised that I am also facing the same struggle of putting baby to sleep. My 4 month old baby starts to show signs of sleep around 8pm. After all the good night rituals, I feed him and he falls asleep exactly around 9 pm or 9:30 pm. That time he doesn’t need to be rocked, instead falls asleep while feeding, often a lullaby maybe needed. Very rarely I had rocked him to sleep at night. However, recently he started waking up at night more frequently than before. He may fall asleep on feeding or just by holding, but the nap duration has turned to be very short. I don’t know what can be done about this. Everyone in my family keeps on blaming me that I taught him to be like this, and it hurts.
Aw I’m so sorry your family is blaming you for teaching him bad habits. You’ve just been doing what you can to get him to sleep up until this point. But the good news is that it’s not too late and you can absolutely help him break that habit. Feel free to email me at kaley@livelovesleep.com if you need any help doing so.
Hello- my daughter is 12 weeks old (turning 3 months next week) and is a challenging sleeper. She needs a lot of encouragement and support before falling asleep. We must hold her tightly and rock her until she is in a deep sleep. However while trying to do so she has flailing arms and is very very unsettled and wiggly making it super hard. I think eventually she tires herself out and just sleeps. Then we transfer her to bassinet and she’s awake within 30/40 mins max. When she wakes we try to support her back to sleep without picking up but she does not want that. She will be wide awake and crying while we are trying soothing methods and it ends up being 20 mins plus. We then eventually pick her back up. This seems to be the pattern for her naps mostly. At night, she does need rocking to sleep but will snooze in her bassinet (for now) for a good stretch about 4-6 hours but then requires assistance again. I would love to learn how to get her to fall asleep independently, we are very tired and so is she from her cat napping
Cat naps can be so challenging. 3 months is the perfect age to get started with teaching her how to self soothe because she’ll now be old enough to learn how to do that. Feel free to email me at kaley@livelovesleep.com if you need any help doing it.
Help! my 7 month old still needs to be rocked to sleep for naps and at night and he wakes up frequently at night. Sometimes he turns over in his crib at night and wakes up crying. He sleeps in a mini crib and hits his head on the side if we try to leave him in his crib to settle himself to sleep when we first put him to bed so it’s hard to train him to sleep on his own. Any suggestions?
Hi Olivia, aw that’s so tough when you have a baby who hits his head. I recommend using a gentle sleep training method where you stay in the room with him as he learns how to self soothe without needing to be rocked to sleep anymore so that you’re right next to him to help prevent him from hitting his head on the crib. If you need any help, feel free to email me at kaley@livelovesleep.com
Hi, my baby girl will be 1 year old next week and I’m still rocking her to sleep before taking her up the stairs into her bed every night. I would love to be able to just put her to bed at night in her room and have her fall asleep on her own
During the day she will fall asleep on the sofa for a nap, with me sitting next to her.
Happy birthday to your little girl, Jessica! The good news is that it isn’t too late to break the habit of being rocked to sleep. If you need any help doing that, feel free to email me at kaley@livelovesleep.com
i’ve been dreading trying to sleep train my baby, well now toddler. so i’ve almost always rocked him to bed and naps. he is now 12 months old and it’s getting so difficult putting him to sleep. i find myself bouncing, rocking, changing positions 10000 times and hurting my back and arms just to get him down. i really think it’s time to learn, my mom always gets on me about it. i’m the only one that can put my baby to sleep. i’m just scared if it’s too late and i don’t know where to even start. we also have been bed sharing since he was like 4-5 months old. i need to break both of those habits but i don’t believe in crying it out. so idk what to do, it’s getting to be so much, he is 26 pounds. i love him so much, but he really needs to learn how to put himself to sleep
Hi Tiffani, that’s wonderful that you know it’s time for a change. Change can be hard but he’s going to learn how to be able to put himself to sleep over in less than a week if you’re consistent. Please feel free to email me at kaley@livelovesleep.com if you need any help doing it.
My 8 month old just stands in his crib and cries. You lay him back down and he stands right up again. Any suggestions?
Hi Samantha! This is very common at 8 months as babies test their independence. During the day, you can practice the “standing to sitting to lying down” sequence while your baby is alert and happy. This helps them learn the motions and gives them confidence to do it on their own at bedtime. If you want more guidance, you can email me anytime at kaley@livelovesleep.com.
My 15 week old (nearly 16 week old) was falling asleep independently for over 2 days but all of the sudden will fuss and cry to be picked up and rocked and bedtime will be very late (around 10) baby has a routine of feed change diaper and sleep suit but will resist to fall asleep on his own like before . He would use his hands to self sooth and sleep but not even after using his hands he wants to be picked up and rocked. Any helpp im struggling as i have family around and do truly make it hard for me to be able to follow consistent routine. He is also waking up every 2:3 hours at night after having 6 hour streches and will sometimes comfort feed for the sake of falling asleep
You’re not doing anything wrong—this is actually very common around 15–16 weeks ❤️
At this age, babies go through a big developmental shift (often called the 4-month sleep regression), where sleep cycles change and they become much more aware of how they’re falling asleep. That’s why you’re seeing him suddenly need more help again, even though he was doing it independently for a few days.
A few things that may help:
• It’s okay to offer a bit more support right now while things feel unsettled—this doesn’t undo progress
• Keep your routine consistent, even if others are around (same steps, same order each night)
• If bedtime has shifted later, he may actually be overtired, which can make falling asleep harder. Aim for bedtime before 8 p.m.
• For night wakings, if he’s feeding more for comfort, you can gently start separating feeding from falling asleep when things feel more stable
Also—having family around can make consistency really tough, so give yourself some grace. Even small consistency (like how he falls asleep at bedtime) can make a big difference.
If things don’t settle in the next week or two, or you want a clear step-by-step plan for your baby, feel free to reach out. I’m always happy to help. You can email me anytime at kaley@livelovesleep.com 💛